Don’t purge. 

You took your anxiety medicine. Give it some time; it’s going to kick in. 

Don’t think about how satisfying it feels to tear your throat up and punish yourself. 

Don’t think about how disgusted you are by the feeling of a full stomach. 

You know most of this is just liquid. Eating carrots is not a sin. You have to eat something every day if you’re going to keep trying to delay death. 

You’re not fat because you fucked up; you’re fat because your thyroid died and you had two back to back failed attempts at IVF. 

Sit with the full feeling. Breathe through the panic. 

Eating is not a sin. 

Don’t think about how much better you’ll feel if you atone for something that isn’t wrong in the first place. 

Don’t think about how quick, easy, and satisfying it would be. 

Don’t make an effort to hurt yourself, no matter how good it feels in the short run. 

Don’t purge. 

Don’t. 

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