Today was the day I was supposed to start IVF treatment, but we had to put it on hold because of some worrying lab results. So instead, I spent an extra hour at the gym, had lemon water for lunch and ate a pan of fudge left over from an office party and spoonfuls of marshmallow fluff as soon as I got home. Now I’m going to vomit until I bleed and then take however much Xanax it takes to get me out of this day.  I am so sad and my life feels so pointless and empty. Every part of me is failing and I am ready to be done.