TRIGGER WARNING: Discussion of unhealthy habits and behaviors. These behaviors are not a proven weight loss method and are extremely unsafe. Some description of prescription drug abuse.
I am visiting my family for a sister’s wedding. My horrible uncle made repeated comments about how fat I am, how fat another sister is, and responded to my inquiry as to how his wife is doing by telling me how fat she is and how little she used to weigh when they were first married. An emergency visit to a doctors office after vomiting in front of my family led to him telling me not only that my weight is high, but that it’s especially high for a short woman like myself. This of course came before examining my abdomen, pinching and pulling my body fat and telling me that even though I don’t look fat (I can currently press 60lb, so a lot of my weight is muscle tone) I still HAVE fat. Tomorrow we are going to visit my husband’s family for 10 days as they also live in the region. My MIL has lost a horrifying amount of weight due to health problems and is thrilled about her new, tiny body. His cousins are so incredibly mean to me about the way I look, but I don’t know if I can manage to avoid them over the whole visit. I am so far behind in my own work that I feel like I’m about to burst into tears every time someone mentions my “vacation.” I am too ill from eating the food my parents swear they prepared carefully to get much done and I am so stressed I actually just cried over laundry. Two sisters have called me out on my love of Vicodin for both its pain killing and relaxational effects, so I am trying to only take my recommended daily dose and it is so very, very hard not to indulge when I feel this terrible.
I need a vacation from this ridiculous misconception people around me have of vacation. I need a vacation from the body fuckery I’ve been bombarded with constantly since I got here. All I want to do is restrict and take pain killers. I want a fist full of fiber pills and a gallon of coffee and three hours at the university gym.
I need vacation from myself.