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TRIGGER WARNING: DISCUSSION OF PURGING, PSYCHIATRIC MEDICATION AND SPOUSAL DECEPTION

Today is going to have to be a “cheat day” and somehow I’m going to have to just live with that. It’s snowing too hard for me to safely go to the gym, so the half hour YouTube workout I did at home will probably be the full extent of my calorie burning for the day. My husband and I both got to stay home from work, which means that we are definitely going to eat more than one meal together today. I can’t possibly purge because our little one bedroom apartment doesn’t have any way for me to block the sound of gagging that comes before any sort of release. Plus it’s our only bathroom and it would be cruel for me to lock the door for as long as I would need.

Today is the reason I need to get more Xanax. I found a couple of “emergency pills” I put in my pill case, so I should be able to make myself digest today, but I need to know that I’ll have other pills when another emergency comes up. I’m glad I have an appointment with my psychiatrist this week. I really hope she isn’t too disappointed in me for relapsing and is able to help me

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